EVILPAUL.COM

Born to a young German family in the late 1800s, the unusually hairy Paul was given away at a young age to a small traveling freak show carnival where he was mistaken for a small chimpanzee and therefore raised by the two resident Chimpanzees, Mr. Tiny and Mrs. Tinkles. However, as luxurious of a life as this might appear, growing up for small Paul proved to be a tiring endeavor and he found his hatred for calliope music growing and his love of flinging fecal matter into the unsuspecting crowds dwindling. Yes friends, things were not alright for the young excessively hairy Paul. Fate took hold of Paul and answered his prayers one frost bitten September morning in 1890. The Incredible Fire Eater, the carnivals own personal fire breather and psychiatrist had a bit of an accident that caused his whole trailer to burn down along with the accompanying trailers nearby. Paul, sleeping in a small barrel smelling of urine and feces got caught up in this blaze which horribly singed off all of his hair causing the traveling carnies to realize that Paul was not a chimpanzee at all but a young man. Ah yes friends, things were shaping up and Pauls animalistic world was over. The traveling carnies took it upon themselves to train their newfound young man and turn him into a gentleman to give him the chance they never received. They therefore advertised young Paul in every newspaper they could get in touch with and at every carnival event and got the titillated public to throw their money at Paul to help him with his cause the education of chimp boy. The public was swept up by this unsuspecting hero They seemed to favor the underdog, and therefore made sure that he was able to get on his feet. With all of the donations, Paul was able to get properly educated and went to the finest schools, graduating from Yale and Harvard the same year, (he didnt want to seem biased). The same year, Paul founded his updated theory of relativity (which he passed on to Albert Einstein) and discovered that the world was indeed round. Paul became the intellectual rock star of his time and things were looking up. All Paul had left to go was down. You see, the years of his intellectual rock star status corrupted the innocent young Paul as he was not used to the sleazy Hollywood types that he was surrounded by. Women throwing themselves at him the drugs, the alcohol, the egos all led poor Paul into a downward spiral of pain and loneliness. Paul found that all of his achievements meant nothing after his corruption by the society that bred him. Paul longed for the sound of calliope music again. On June 15th, 1955, after complaints of a man throwing fecal matter in the park, Paul was discovered passed out next to an old style Carnival, wine bottles, vomit, urine, and tears surrounding the poor man. He was in a coma of recovery for the next 10 years. Now lets flash forward to the Summer of 1965 the summer of love. Paul regains consciousness and begins his life anew. Wearing long wigs to conceal his publicly well known face (as he was a burn victim and was unable to grow his own hair) Paul learned to love again, finding his muse in a young woman named Moon Cracker. Yes he and Moon Cracker lived, loved, and loved some more until Moon Crackers unfortunate death at sea, attacked by thousands of tiny brine shrimp during one of their well documented feeding frenzies. Complicating matters even further, Moon Crackers body was never found. Paul could never eat shrimp again, figuring that he was some how eating his soul mate in one of those tear soaked, butter filled, tender, morsels. Losing the love of his life proved to be quite trying for Paul and he found his solitude and peace of mind traveling the high seas as a deep sea diver, he searched for the mysteries of the deep. Hoping, and praying that he would one day see his love again. This of course, never happened. Paul traveled the seas for 10 years, till one day the rhythmic sound of disco emanated from his small transistor radio. Paul was enthralled and driven to see what the world had evolved into and decided to walk on land for the first time in a decade. He followed the mighty call of disco and found that disco truly did suck and that he should have just stayed on the open seas for another 20 years. However, alas, the damage was done, and he decided to find a new life amongst the populous on dry land. Now in 2008, Paul has led the average life of an above average person for the last few decades. Leading his existence in anonymity and comfort. He currently resides in the sprawling hills of Los Angeles in his sinister laboratory with his lab monkey assistants, where he slowly produces his twisted abominations of film and artwork and works incognito in the film industry as a Post Production Manager with some of the great directors of our time. He still thinks back to the carnival of old. And on some nights, when the moon is full, and the air is crisp you can some times hear the animalistic cries of a particularly human sounding chimpanzee calliope music blaring in the background as the young Paul of old, squats on his roof flinging his magical pooh of dreams and memories.

1883 - The unusually hairy Evil Paul, prior to the discovery that he was indeed a young boy. Oh sooo cute. 1900 - Evil Paul in the early years before his college days in Yale and Harvard.

1969 - Evil Paul posing before a dive. Yes, everybody really liked 1920's clothing on this boat for some reason. CURRENT - Evil Paul today at his lab. One of Evil Paul's lab monkeys hard at work.